Duck Surprise – Doing my bit for the Primary Club

On Sunday 7 September 2025 I recorded my 40^th duck for Anson St George. I’m now level with Taggs. I’m not far beyond some other noble names like Hugh Henry, John Monk, and John Hickey.  There’s a way to go before I pass Alf’s record of 78 but hopefully I can play long enough that it might be in danger.

This duck was golden

The one on Sunday was a bit special though as it was a golden duck. Among those 40 there must be a few other golden ones. One I remember was against Goresbrook in 2003 when Dave Whisker yorked me. Probably the perfect ball to bowl to me at any stage of a game, let alone first up. Hugh and Alf also added to their duck tally that day too.

After the game Dave took great delight in telling me that it was a deliberate strategy in recognition of my weakness to the full ball. For someone to consider my wicket in such a way was a real honour. The next time we met was in an indoor match when I played for Chadwell Heath. He went for the same plan again but over did it and ended up bowling a beamer. I smashed it high over square leg. It would have been a great shot, even six, in normal cricket. In indoor cricket it scored me one run, and one for the no ball.

The other golden duck I could remember was against touring team Acle in 2015. I was on one of my many awful runs of form so I took to having a net before I went into bat. It seemed I had regained my touch in the nets and was finding the middle of the bat quite nicely. I walked to the crease at the fall of Mark James’ wicket. A leading edge from an innocuous first delivery gave a gentle catch to midwicket.

Dane’s brilliance

This Sunday’s golden duck will be memorable because it followed Dane Attard’s brilliant 105 off 83 balls out of a total of 144. It was a stylish knock, showcasing superb timing, stroke making and placement. It was a brilliant example of how to score well without needing to hit the ball hard. With a thirst on and less than 10 runs needed to win the game and no wicket lost at that point I had put the kettle on and was looking forward to watching Dane and Lee see the game home with a nice brew. I was spitting more feathers when Dane got himself out going for the big shot, goaded on by the rest of our team to hit his first six for the club.

As Alf used to say, there’s no glory with going in to knock off 7 or 8 runs to win. The best I could hope for a was a couple not out. Instead, I downgraded ‘no glory’ to complete ignominy. Of course, it was all Dane’s fault and nothing to do with me playing all around a straight one. I didn’t take a guard and approached the end game as a bit of a formality. Perhaps that was my undoing. Perhaps I was just shit.

It felt a long a walk back to the pavilion with all eyes upon my disgrace. It probably wasn’t as bad as Tillakaratne Dilshan’s 3 ball duck after watching Mahela Jayawardene and Thilan Samaraweera amass 437 runs over a day and half against Pakistan in 2009. I heard he had just put the kettle on just as the wicket fell too.

Peaks and troughs

Still, people reminded me of my innings a few times later that evening with a few quips of ‘well batted, Jim’. I’m glad I could provide some mirth to the other lads. I just said ‘cheers’ (translation: you bastards).

Anyway, I am very pleased for Dane for his hundred and for the team win. Peaks and troughs are all part of cricket anyway. Everyone enjoys their own personal success but being a bit philosophical about it when it doesn’t go your way helps. I’m hoping for one more chance to end this season on a better note.

The Primary Club

To further put the experience in a more positive light I decided to join the Primary Club. The Primary Club is a charity that helps to raise funds to provide sporting and recreational facilities for people with visual impairments.

The club started in 1955 with membership limited to people who had been out first ball in matches for or against Beckenham CC with money going towards a fund for blind cricketers. The club got more traction in the 1970s, particularly being championed by Test Match Special commentator, Brian Johnston, and membership was opened to anyone from around the world. Since it’s foundation, the club has raised over £5,000,000 to support visually impaired players of cricket and other sports. I felt that it was only right that my lack of cricketing ability should further contribute to a good cause.

As long as I don’t have to donate every time I get a duck I should remain solvent.

Please do consider giving to the Primary Club if you are affected by any of the circumstances covered in this blog, or have had a similar experience. You can make a donation without joining, but you won’t get the stunning tie or pin badge.