The Anson St George Glossary of Terms

This post is a glossary of common phrases, words, and items that are associated with Anson St George and you might hear if you hang around the club for any amount of time. A lot of these phrases may have originated from a previous era but still give us a lot of pleasure or get a lot of use today. Many of the phrases originate within Anson from Monkey or Alf and there is often a good story behind them. Some of the terms are probably not unique to Anson but have been particularly enjoyed within the club so I have included them.

Telegraph!

When you’re waiting to bat, or you’ve already batted, you can get so distracted by the chat that you neglect to update the manual scoreboard. This is when someone either batting or in the fielding side might shout out ‘TELEGRAPH’ to remind you that the job needs doing. Sometimes, such as in time games, if you needed a specific update, you might shout out something like ‘OVERS’ to let those on the boundary know that the overs are wrong on the scoreboard. It might not be the case that you’ve neglected the job though, but that you’ve just run out of ‘1s’ or ‘0s’ to hang on the scoreboard.

Dick of the Day

After every game we’ve always had a vote amongst the team for who the player of the match was. More recently we’ve introduced a weekly award called Dick of the Day, given to someone who has done something ridiculous or silly throughout the course of the Sunday afternoon. Everyone must nominate someone at the end of the match and the only rule is that you can’t nominate someone for a cricketing shortcoming. Sometimes there are slim pickings, and it goes to someone because they fell over or something, but there are usually a few good nominations each week from the usual faces.

I think one of my favourite nominations was when Taggs had to jump over a fence at Cromer Road to get a ball that had been hit for six into a garden. It had already been a long and hot day and we’d been chasing the leather and Taggs was not enjoying the fielding and it showed in his face. Once he came back over the fence with the ball, he went to throw it to the keeper but somehow it came out wrong and he threw it backwards back over the fence. Without saying anything and with a resigned look he just simply turned around and slowly trudged towards the fence and jumped back over and got the ball again.

At the end of the season, the person who is awarded the most dick of the days during the season wins a, err, trophy.

Slip drive

When we’re the fielding side this is known as a genuine edge through slip. When we’re batting it’s a perfectly executed slip drive.

Bowl him a piano

It’s a bit of a classic and quite universal but many of us hadn’t heard it before and Greg had us in stitches when he shouted out ‘bowl him a piano and see if he will play that’ against Waltham Cross Rosedale when a batsman named Housego was playing for the draw from the first over.

Wibbly Wobbly Cricket

This is a simple relay race game which was done at the end of matches where we had a good rapport with the opposition or on a bank holiday. Each side would nominate 5 people to take part. The race includes sitting down and downing half a pint of beer, running 22 yards to a stump, putting your head on the stump, and spinning round it 10 times and then returning to tag the next person. The first team to get all 5 members back is the winner. Sounds simple.

One famous edition of this game was played at a party round Ian’s house and unfortunately one person got so wibbly wobbly that they took out all his girlfriend’s plants trying to get back to his teammates.

A beer knock

This, in essence, is a second game played on a Sunday because a conclusion was reached in the initial game so quickly. Probably more cited than played, I did take part in one beer knock in the mid to late 90s and that was possibly the last time it happened. However, the idea of playing a beer knock was often cited with enthusiasm when we were bowling first and had got off to a good start. Alf was an advocate. Monkey was a detractor and felt people got injured more in beer knocks than in the regular game because batsmen just tried to hit the ball as hard as they could, and bowlers tried to bowl as fast as they could.

Milk

A drink.

We’ve played in worse

I like saying this one as a way of convincing the rest of the team that any inclement weather shouldn’t dampen our hopes of being able to play some sort of cricket. Whatever the weather, we probably have played in worse. As an aside, one of the unwritten rules of Sunday cricket is that whilst you can continue to play through light drizzle, you can’t start playing whilst it is drizzling.

The History

Covered in detail in a previous blog this is essentially the full statistical record of the club that Lee keeps updated.

Some Alfisms…

Don’t worry about the four go for the catch!

One of Alf’s catchphrases really. A lot of his bowling ended up going towards the boundary and if the ball was in the air for one of those one bounce and four type of shots he would always shout out ‘don’t worry about the four go for the catch’. There was more glory to be had in a wicket then there was concern for conceding another boundary from his bowling, or someone breaking their face diving to catch the ball just as it bounces in front of them. If someone these days takes a difficult catch on the boundary, they will always be applauded for not worrying about the four.

Get under it, get right under it!

In similar vein to don’t worry about the four. If the ball went right up in the air off Alf’s bowling, he would help you with this very useful piece of advice. Many failures to hold on to catches in the club have come from a failure to get right under it.

Leg side trap

No, not the type employed by Jardine in bodyline, this was more a forlorn hope than an actual strategy. The idea was to bring Alf on to bowl, pack the leg side boundary and wait for the two shouts above. It was such an obvious ploy that the fielders might as well have held up a sign saying, ‘we are a leg side trap’.

Listen Sonny!

Always said by Alf when he was about to tell a story or a joke.

The jacquard

The jacquard is the Anson St George badge which we wear on our shirts and lots of other Anson branded gear. It’s quite an unusual term as you might think that simply calling it the badge would suffice. As such, the word itself has become part of the lore of Anson particularly because this is the way that Alf always referred to it.

When it comes to getting new kit the question of who has the jacquard is always at the fore and just asking who has the jacquard generally has become a bit of a running joke. Legend says that the original was buried with Alf, but thankfully now it has been digitalised. A few seasons ago when we played Archway Ladder, Eugene earnestly asked his team, who has their jacquard, which caused us great amusement.

The Lakes

A mythical place where Alf supposedly used to visit during the week to practice his bowling by placing a handkerchief on the ground in front of a tree, which act as the stumps, and he would then, according to him, bowl a ball and land it on the handkerchief every time.

Some Monkeyisms…

Two for cannon!

Invariably, when cricket is on the telly, if a batsman get’s hit in the crown jewels the commentator will say ‘everybody else finds it funny apart for the person who got hit’. It’s the law.  They have to say it. In Anson, when anyone got hit there the phrase that Johnny Monk used to call out was ‘you get two for a cannon, bat’. The line comes from billiards where you get a score of two for hitting one ball against another. It’s a brilliant line applied perfectly in this situation.

There’s still 4 yards of cricket left

Justification for not giving a batsman out LBW when it’s hit them on the front pad and they’re outside the crease. There is still a lot of cricket left in that ball.

I’ve seen this bat before, he can hit it hard

Always said (regardless of where we’d seen him before or not) when a robust or heavy-set batsman walks to the crease.

Kick it over they’re running 5

Used on our own team, or when we are batting and a fielder is chasing the ball to the boundary near where we are sat. Can be used at any time but is best used when it has taken the fielder a long time to get to the ball. Ed Giddins didn’t look very impressed when I used it against him on the first day of the Oval test match against New Zealand in 1999.

Pick your fielder

I doubt this is unique to Anson, but it was always a favourite of Monkey’s to shout out as loud as he could when one of the opposition dropped a catch or let a ball go through their legs.

It’s easing off to torrential

An ironic observation on heavy downpours and the chances of continued play

Some Hughisms…

BAR!

Whilst in Bognor in a pub where no one could be seen serving Hugh just shouted out BAR!

Dropped Catch Symbol

Hugh had for a long time been the arbiter of what would be classed as a dropped catch. Judge Jeffreys would probably have been more lenient in determining what was a genuine chance. Once a drop went down Hugh would give his signal that the drop was counted by holding one extended finger across the short sleave of his shirt.

Hugh’s rum

A concoction made near Hugh’s mum’s house on St Lucia. Supposedly you’re meant to drink it, but it would probably serve better as a solvent to clean out the engine on your car. An occasional initiation for new members (who drink) is to take a sip of Hugh’s rum and taste a bit of Hugh’s phaal curry.

Lick ‘im ‘pon ‘im tet

I think this means to bowl a bouncer and hit someone on the head.

Up the harry um bang

Nope. No idea.

You damn rass!

A mild expletive?

Stupid boy

Don’t ask stupid questions to Hugh. Just think of Captain Mainwaring really.

More general terms again…

Magnums

A nightclub in Ilford, previously known as the Room at the Top, which hosted a well-known over 35s night club. A popular haunt for the older members of the club in the 90s. Had an unfortunate rhyming nickname.

Three card brag

A card game that was de rigueur within Anson during rain breaks back in the day. I think Lee bullied me out of my pocket money over three card brag once.

What’s it say in the book

All discussion about style, luck and what could have been, are immediately rendered obsolete with the use of this simple phrase. Of course, you’ve got to hope Hugh will let you look at the book and Alf often had to ask Greg to make Hugh tell him what the score was.

Whose got the whip?

When out on a social event, or at the end of the game, a pooling of resources into a whip is often the best way to organise turns to the bar. Passing the whip to the next person to go to the bar always leaves us wondering what poor sod is holding all the money.

What’s the Point?

Pyscho’s idea for a fielding instruction magazine.

How’s that Ducky?

Pyscho’s idea for a monthly magazine for LGBT umpires.

Single wicket competition

This was a type of game we played amongst ourselves, often on occasions when we were playing at home and the opposition were a no show without any warning. The idea of the game is to pair up with someone and together you face an over from everyone else in the team. You lose 10 runs for every wicket lost and score runs in the normal way. The pair with the most runs is the winner. There is a version of the game where the winning pair then bowl a super over to each other whilst everyone else fields and the winner is the one with the most runs.

There was a famous occasion where we played a single wicket competition after turning up against Maylands Green at Upminster Rugby Club. Unfortunately, the rugby club had not told Maylands Green that they had a fete on that day and that a bouncy castle was covering a good section of long off/deep fine leg. The idea of playing the game bowling from one end was put forward and was unpalatable to us and Maylands Green didn’t want to come back to our home ground at Fairlop, so we took ourselves back and played a single wicket contest. I teamed up with Alf and were the winning pair. He beat me in a super over.

I remember another single wicket competition on an opposition’s ground when we turned up to play United Glass. The home team didn’t appear because they said that the weather was too hot, so we played a single wicket game on their pitch.

More…

There might be loads more terms to add here. I probably won’t do a second blog but if people want to put forward more terms and paraphernalia relevant to Anson then I will update this post.